主题：帮朋友改的一份 Cover Letter. 也请大家多提 -- 煮酒正熟

也请大家多提宝贵意见。特别是牛腰兄等朋友。

这个贴起因于帮一位好朋友修改 cover letter. 他是技术出身的管理人员，英语口语很好，但商务八股文章方面没有接受过严格训练，所以他发出的 cover letter 存在不少问题，一定程度上会降低他得到面试机会的概率。所以俺就尽己所知，帮他改了一下。修改稿中肯定有不足之处，一方面囿于在下本身英语和商务八股的水平，另一方面也是因为对那位好朋友所从事的工作非常陌生。所以这里想请有经验的朋友多提建议。您们的建议会帮助我的朋友(他也上西河)，河里其他在英语国家的职场中打拼的兄弟们也会受益良多。在下这里为自己，也替他们，道声感谢。

同时也要提前说声抱歉：在下琐事缠身，只能勉强帮这一位朋友，其他兄弟如有类似需要，还请您多来这个贴下，从跟贴中获得您所需要的英语职业信函常识、小技巧，以及具体措辞。

下面先贴出朋友自己写的 cover letter：

Dear Martin,

I came across your job posting of that Software Development Team Leader - Embedded C++ position in BBBBB, and I am very interested in this position.

I got my Master of Science Degree from University of XXXXXXX in year 200X, from Physics and Electronic Engineering Department. Before that,I studied in Computer Science department in University of XXXXXXX as a graduate student for one year. I also have my bachelor of Engineering degree from University YYYYYYY of China in 19XX, from Department of Electronic Engineering and Information Sciences.

I have more than eight years in embedded programming, and till now most of my platforms are 16-bit or

32-bit microprocessors, such as ARM7, ARM 9 or TMS320c31. These many years, served as R&D manager and Technical director, one of my daily tasks is to manage engineering in my team to accomplish our mission on schedule, and to solve the problems they faced. I also have years of experience worked in transnational companies, so I understand how to communicate with different people with various culture-backgrounds. C and MATLAB languages are most used in my working for several years in XXX (an English-speaking country) and Hong Kong,and Audio/Video signal processing is the key-point of baby-monitor and Digital camera, that are both my responsibilities in my R&D time.

Attached please find my resume that summarizes my skills and accomplishments. I will be glad to provide referees contact information at your discretion.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

XXX YYYY

下面是在下给朋友的回信：

下面是我改过的 cover letter. 有一些修改原因我放在文中了。文中还有一些建议。

总体来说也有一些建议：我觉得以你目前的情况，很可能需要两类职位一起申请，一类是纯技术性的，另一类是偏技术但也带有一定管理色彩的职位。这两种情况需要完全不同的 cover letter. 前一种要努力突出你的技术优势，而完全不要提及自己从事管理工作的经历和经验，否则只会降低自己被接受的概率。第二种自然应该管理和技术都有所涉及，但侧重点也可以根据具体情况进行调整，有些需要突出技术多一些，有些则需要较为平衡。不太建议一上来就做一份纯管理或者重管理而轻技术的工作。

Dear Martin,

I came across your job posting of a Software Development Team Leader - Embedded C++ position in Brisbane, and I am very interested in this position. (这一段请注意定冠词的使用)

I have years of experience as R&D manager and director, leading and supervising a team of engineers and technicians to complete projects and deliverables that are critical to corporate mission, in a timely and quality fashion. With proven records in managing the team to resolve technical issues and provide technical support and services to internal and external clients on a daily basis, I have worked closely with business teams to build a group capability to improve product-to-market process and strengthen company’s overall competetiveness in the market place.

(主干部分我做了较多修改，力图将管理和技术分开来说，一段管理，一段技术。这一段是管理。我增加了一些内容，如果哪部分你觉得不妥或者缺乏这方面的经历、编不出故事来支持，请予删除。一个重要原则是：只要你在简历中出现的内容，你就要有充分的事实准备(很多情况下都需要自己编段2分钟能说完的小故事)，所以如果你对某方面缺乏事实准备，最好就不要让它出现在简历上。比如我加入的这个 product-to-market，如果你缺乏相关经历也无法编出故事来，那就拿掉。

我去掉了那段 transnational 的内容。因为这部分东西比较苍白，对任何一个应聘者的职业竞争力的价值都极为有限。这个东西可以在面试的时候一语带过，也不要很认真地强调什么。否则会适得其反，人家会认为你没有其他太强的方面，所以在这种无关紧要的方面使劲强调。其实招聘者从你的简历上就能看出你在不同国家地区都有过职业经历，会很自然地推测你对不同文化背景具有较强适应性。自己刻意突出和强调既无必要也会适得其反。

另外，建议在可能的情况下量化你对公司做出的贡献，如果有具体 dollar amount or RMB amount，最好，比如你所领导开发的新技术产品进入市场后销售量、利润率，公司市场份额的改善，等等。)

I received my Master of Science Degree in Physics and Electronic Engineering from University of XXXXXXX. My technical background and experience includes embeded programming, C and MATLAB, and Audio/Video signal processing, which is the key to baby-monitor and Digital camera.

(我去掉了你在国内受教育的部分，以及国外那一年 computer science 的就读部分。这些可以在面试中一语带过，但不宜在 cover letter 中过份渲染。

也去掉了关于my platforms are 16-bit or 32-bit microprocessors, such as ARM7, ARM 9 or TMS320c31.等部分，因为这些内容或许太过具体了。Cover letter 需要提供一些具体信息，但具体到什么程度，是需要仔细拿捏的。如果申请的是纯技术性工作，哪怕过于具体一些也问题不大，但当申请带有管理色彩的职位时，过于渲染具体技术细节，容易给人主次不分的印象，令自己的整体形象减分。)

Attached please find my resume that summarizes my skills and accomplishments. I will be glad to provide referees contact information at your discretion.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

XXX YYYY

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