主题：恋爱中如何识别和摆脱loser，男女都适用 -- coo
家园 谢谢您的讨论，您的观点，我大部分都同意，：-） "现实中的爱情，其实是充满了条件和攀比。"
这个专题的中心思想是：怎么保护自己，尽量减少因爱而随之而来的伤害。对爱的奉献设定一定的底线，也算自我保护吧。：-） 毕竟，都是吃五谷杂粮的。。。
- 复 吃亏?
家园 你说的AT RIGHT TIME MEET THE RI At the right time you meet the right guy. However, not every girl/boy is that lucky. Most likely, her/his first love might end up with a broken heart/or hearts.
See, it is not a well-defined issue that who is the one that deserves your love. You have no love experience at all before you try it.
Now the strategy becomes how to manage one's life when meeting a wrong guy/gal. At the first place, one should not let love entirely mess up one's life. Being oneself, then he is able to face the life without that wrong guy/gal.
The failed relationship might not be any one's fault at all, neither guy/gal's nor yours. Presumably it is just because two cannot get along, and it is simply a wrong match. So, one needs cool down and makes a right decision.
家园 COO说： 爱情总是碰不上的，每个人的运气各不一样，经常有人心碎。
所以我才教导爱情中的人放弃一些错误的想法和学习怎么去爱。
先求不要碰伤这样的人，再说怎么爱。
爱情总是人的错误，错误的配对一样带来悲剧，所以才需要冷静抉择
家园 agree with u, and thanks for the teaching...
u are right: "Most likely, her/his first love might end up with a broken heart/or hearts. " But even with a broken heart, u still have sweet memory left, right?
And agree:
"Now the strategy becomes how to manage one's life when meeting a wrong guy/gal. At the first place, one should not let love entirely mess up one's life. Being oneself, then he is able to face the life without that wrong guy/gal."
Fulfilling one's life with something else, and let time to cure the broken heart, is a right strategy. Never (try not) to lose ONESELF, in a relationship, could be a 'mature" way to deal with the issue.
We all grow after we fall down, and we learn from experience; then, next time, we know how to cherish/treasure the lover, with more knowledge, skills, and much bigger heart...
a good relationship is memorable for life, even if they seperate at the end in case...
家园 承认 但是爱过之后还有美好的回忆
不是吗？
那么即使错误也是那么的美好，不要迷失，保持自我，爱情是成熟的阶梯
只有失败者才能成长，我们才会更好的爱
PS:已经诗意盎然，我暴走了
家园 It is anything else but teaching.
The purpose of introducing this article to friends in cchere.com is to let them know to protect oneself. For whatever reason, you have to break a relationship with sb. It could be yours or the other's fault. So one has to know how to find the bottom line in a failed love. One should not be a victim of a failed love whereas the other hurt him/her unreasonably, simply because of losing self control. Don't play his/her game.
家园 【求助】婚后的情况怎么处理 COO兄，你好！
近半年来我的感情生活（或者说婚姻生活、家庭生活）出现了问题。看到你的大作，深有同感，比如“神经质的控制”，“她怎么迁就你，你都觉得孤独”，“你的SPOUSE有过度的占有欲望，不肯正确认识自己。木自我反省能力。刚开始关系的时候，你可能觉得一种被依赖的甜蜜。日子长了，就发现自己变的神经西西的，非得讨她的欢心你才能活。完全失去的自我了”。我的那一位就属于这几种情况。
先简单说一下我的情况：
恋爱3年领的证，没办事。因为她比我大两岁半，当初我父母不同意，因而是偷偷领的证，但她父母同意。领证到现在有一年半了。
一开始打得主意是慢慢缓和和我父母的关系，等我毕业后再告诉他们领证的事，后来也成功缓和了，但现在还没告诉他们领证的事，因为我还没毕业。
显而易见，这种关系使她安全感不够，期间又发生好几次误会，从而引起了她对我的控制，进而引起了我的反感。总是停留在好一阵，闹一阵的死循环中。
大约半年前，我开始有了散伙的想法，当时也提出来了，但没成功实施，后悔ing。这半年以来我都一直想提出分手（也就是离婚），一直没想好怎么开口，我是实实在在想散伙了，一回到家就觉得压抑，跟她也没什么话可以讲，而且这两年我也发现双方精神生活层次也不同，哎，想到未来就有阴影。
我的担心在以下几方面：
1.因为双方父母对我们的态度，尤其是领证没告诉我父母这事，肯定是绕不过去的一个良心牌；
2.她一发泄完对我的态度就变得好了，就会做饭，打扫卫生了。这让我总觉得没有机会开口。她的发泄方式主要有：无缘无故流泪、哭泣，大杯大杯地灌红酒，给我发短信指责我，打电话指责我；
3.分手似乎对她来说太惨了，她比我大；
4.我自己还没做好开口的心理准备，但我做好分手的心理准备了。分手我就只带书，衣服和鞋出来。
以上情况，请各位老大多提建议，谢谢！