五千年(敝帚自珍)

主题:关于《劈波蹈海》翻译进程遭到干扰的说明以及向各位河友求助 -- 万年看客

共:💬55 🌺381
全看分页树展 · 主题 跟帖
家园 《分水岭》第五章勘误1

第五章:

P152:Such joyous abandon was almost as alarming to the teacher as the violence he had feared,

误:这种快乐的放纵是他一直忧虑的暴烈言行。

正:如此肆无忌惮的欢乐令这位老师心慌意乱,几乎就好比劳森做出了他十分恐惧的暴力行径一样。

分析:joyous abandon并不是violence he had feared当中的一类。

P153:One feels that history is being made in Montgomery these days, the most important in her career.

误:有人感觉这些天的蒙哥马利正在创造历史,那是她职业生涯最重要的时刻。

正:人们难免觉得这几天的蒙哥马利正在创造历史,如今正是蒙哥马利建市以来最重要的一段时光。

分析:《韦氏词典》表示career有course, passage之意,例句the sun's career across the sky。城市肯定不会有职业生涯。

P153:The very moderation of the demands led civil rights groups such as the national NAACP to frown upon the boycott as a wildcat movement for something less than integration.

误:……他们把这个运动视为一种野猫运动……

正:……他们认为这场抵制运动想一出是一出……

分析:必应词典表示wildcat做形容词意为(罢工)未经工会同意的;(计划不周密而)不稳妥的;不按正常标准的,例句a wildcat strike happens suddenly and without the official support of a trade/labor union

P154:As for the boycotters themselves……faced ……complicated relays in getting from home to job without being late or getting fired or getting into an argument with the employer

误:他们不得不应付……复杂的倒班工作……

正:他们不得不借助于复杂的接力式通勤方式……

分析:omplicated relays 发生在居所与工作地点之间(getting from home to job),因此不会是倒班的意思。

P154:King immediately called his college friend T. J. Jemison, who, as secretary of the National Baptist Convention,was a prince of the national church on a much higher level than the Kings.

误:……他是国家浸信会联会的一位领导,地位比金高得多。

正:……他是全国浸信会大会当中的一位秘书,也是全国教会当中的重量级人物,地位比金家父子高得多。

分析:Kings显然指的不仅只是小金一人。

P155:Knowing such things, King was stunned once again when the crowd greeted his proposal with a church-rocking roar of approval. Whatever it took, they would do it.

误:虽然明白这些事情,但当信众一致应和他的建议时金还是被兴奋冲昏了头脑。他决定不去顾虑那些问题,而且相信人们会按照他的建议去行动。

正:道理全都清楚的金万万没想到,自己的提议居然再一次得到了集会人群的一致应和,人们的欢呼声震撼得教堂都瑟瑟发抖。抵制运动需要他们干什么,他们就愿意干什么。

分析:误译错误理解了stunned一词,因此完全搞反了金的心态。

P154:At the first negotiating session, on December 8, the three co-equal city commissioners parried King's arguments before a large crowd of reporters, boycotters, and white spectators.

误:……3位回避与金的辩论。

正:……蒙哥马利市政府派出了三位地位平等的谈判专员……

分析:如此明显的漏译想必是编校审读长达一年之久的数位资深专家的失职。我很感兴趣这些专家到底姓甚名谁。

P154:Commissioner W. A. "Tacky' Gayle (who was designated mayor because he supervised the employees at city hall) ……

误:……(由于要监督政府员工,他被指定为市长)……

正:……(他的工作是监督市政府全体员工,因此被指定为市长的代言人)……

P156:Rev. Henry Parker of the First Baptist Church, out of which Abernathy's church had been born eighty-eight years earlier,

误:第一浸信会教堂的牧师亨利.帕克试图弥合实质性的分歧(这个教堂与88 年前诞生的阿伯纳斯曾经任职过的教堂同名)。

正:第一浸信会教会的亨利.帕克牧师(阿博纳西眼下任职的教会正是在八十八年前脱胎于这家教会)试图弥合双方之间的实质性分歧

P159:A sharp decline in Christmas purchases by Negroes caused Montgomery store owners to wince, but they were not greatly alarmed.

误:由于黑人拒绝购买圣诞礼物,导致了圣诞销售额的急剧下降,这让蒙哥马利的商店业主皱起了眉头……

正:黑人圣诞购物数额的急剧下降使得蒙哥马利的商店业主皱起了眉头……

P158:The whites had spoken as the diplomats of a large country might defend their interests to diplomats from a small one.

误:白人曾谈到大国的外交官也可能要为捍卫本国的利益而防备小国。

正:这些白人的谈判态度就好像大国外交官正在小国外交官面前捍卫本国利益一样。

P158:They were walking in pride and dignity, he declared, with a gait that would "do justice to any queen.'

误:她们是那么骄傲和高贵,她们为公平正义而行走,她们终将和女王平起平坐。

正:他声称她们的气质如此骄傲而又高贵,她们的步态“足以与任何一位女王相提并论”。

P159:in which Arkansas council members were cooperating

误:阿肯色州议会成员将共同合作

正:阿肯色州的理事会成员正在通力协作

分析:这里的council显然指的是白人公民理事会

P161:……when daring counterstrokes made Southern legends of Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson.

误:……当时北方联盟的勇敢反击造就了南方的传奇人物罗伯特.E.李和“石墙”杰克逊。

正:……罗伯特.E.李和“石墙”杰克逊当时正是通过一系列大胆的反击作战成为了南方的传奇人物。

分析:不做功课的翻译就会犯这种错误。

P161:In January, concluding reluctantly that the boycott had endured long enough to require special journalistic attention.

误:1月份,报纸上连篇累牍报道抵制运动已经够长时间了,如果没有什么特别值得关注的新闻就要结束报道……

正:1月份,霍尔很不情愿地得出结论,抵制运动已经坚持了足够长久的时间,需要新闻行业进行特别关注……

分析:误译不清楚enough to组合前后的逻辑关系。

P162:He recalled, for instance,

误:格雷茨后来举例回忆说,

正:比方说格雷茨回忆道,

P162:"Naturally, I just beamed,' Graetz told Johnson, "because that really fit me.'

误:“当然,我只是桥梁,”格雷茨告诉约翰逊,“但它适合我。”

正:“这番话听得我喜上眉梢,”格雷茨告诉约翰逊,“因为这样的评价确实很适合我。”

分析:不清楚beam是怎么翻译成“桥梁”的。

P163:This candor supported what Montgomery whites had been saying all along--that the radical Negro leaders were not really for segregation, that they were lying.

误:他们认为激进黑人领袖们并不真是为了应对隔离问题,他们在撒谎。

正:激进黑人领袖们并不支持种族隔离,他们的对外宣传完全是谎言。

P163:For the editor's benefit, he read notes of King's quotations on Tillich and Kant,

误:得益于编辑的便利,他阅读了本子上记录的金在《论蒂利希和康德》一文中的摘句

正:他当着编辑的面阅读了金对于田立克、康德乃至于尼采的引述。

分析:for one’s benefit有“特意为某人做某事”之意

P163:And while hostile readers could draw from it inferences that King was uppity and devious, as Johnson himself believed, the tone of the article was generally neutral.

误:尽管充满敌意的读者可能从中得出推论,认定金是一个自命不凡而狡猾的人,但约翰逊本人相信,文章的语气基本上是中性的。

正:尽管充满敌意的读者可能通过这篇文章得出推论,认定金是一位傲慢自负且满腹机关之辈——约翰逊本人也这么认为——但是文章的语气基本上是中性的。

P164:That same week, Police Commissioner Sellers told the Jaycees that the boycott was continuing only because white citizens were "sitting by.'

误:就在同一周,警务专员塞勒斯告诉杰西斯……

正:警务专员塞勒斯告诉美国青年商会……

P164:Some of the white women who needed the services of their maids badly enough to drive them to and from Rufus Lewis' car-pool pickup spots seized upon the commissioner's story, saying that they transported the maids only to protect them from the goon squads--not, of course, to support the boycott.

误:一些急需女佣的白人妇女忍无可忍,直接开着私家车来到鲁弗斯.路易斯的拼车载客点接送女佣。城市专员抓住这件事做文章说,她们的接送行为只是为了保护女佣,使之免受打手队的恐吓,绝不是支持抵制运动。

正:一些急需女佣的白人妇女忍无可忍,直接开着私家车来到鲁弗斯.路易斯的拼车载客点接送女佣。为了给自己的行为找个台阶,她们拿着市政专员散布的反抵制运动宣传做起了文章:她们的接送行为绝不是对于抵制运动的支持,只是为了保护女佣免受打手队的恐吓。

分析:误译主语不清

P166:Fortified by such hope, King placed calls to the MIA leadership.

误:经过这样的分析,找到嫌疑人的希望大大增加。金挨个儿给MIA的领导人打电话。

正:怀抱着这样的希望,金打电话通知了蒙改联的整个领导层。

分析:Fortified并非修饰hope

P166:No one rallied to the settlement as inevitable. They all denounced it.

误:他们都认为和解是不可能的,并且都反对和解

正:没有人主张和解不可避免,所有人都声称反对和解。

P167:This was Saturday night. By virtue of Rowan's warning, they had a chance to catch large numbers of their fellow citizens at the only traditional Negro meeting places other than the churches.

误:这是周六的晚上,罗文警告,黑人的传统聚会场所除了教堂外还有这些地方,金他们能在这里找到大量的同胞。

正:罗文的警告带来了翻盘的契机:除了教堂以外,路边夜店也是黑人的传统聚会场所。金他们能在这里找到大量同胞。

P167:King and his coterie of prim preachers must have made quite a sight as they shouldered their way into the flesh and the noise,

误:当金和那几个古板拘谨的传教士挤进这些声色犬马的地方时,他们不得不尽力把所有人的视线吸引到自己身上来。

正:当金带领着几名古板拘谨的布道人挤进这些声色犬马的场所时总会一下子就吸引住所有人的视线。

P167:The bus company manager announced tersely that there was "no noticeable increase on the Negro routes.'

误:公交公司经理的声明很简洁:“没有增加黑人线路。”

正:公交公司经理的声明很简洁:“黑人线路乘客数量没有增加。”

P167:Mayor Gayle immediately issued what Joe Azbell, on the next day's front page, called a "dynamic statement.'

误:市长盖尔立即发表声明,由《广告报》的编辑乔.阿兹贝尔在第二天的头版做了报道,后者将其冠以“变来变去的声明”

正:盖尔立即发表了声明。《广告报》编辑乔.阿兹贝尔在第二天头版上评价道,这篇声明写得“活力十足”。

P167:The Negroes believed they had "the white people hemmed up in a corner,' said the mayor,

误:市长又说,黑人认为他们一直“被白人围困在角落里”

正:以至于黑人还以为他们“已经将白人逼进了死角”

P169:The city would almost certainly deny Lewis' application for a franchise, however, lest it be accused of donating the economic benefits of segregation to the Negroes.

误:然而,市政府几乎可以肯定会驳回路易斯对特许经营权的申请,因为只有这样才能避免隔离主义者的指责,认为他们把公交运营的经济效益分赠给黑人。

正:当然,市政府几乎一定会驳回刘易斯的特许经营权申请,否则的话必然会有人指责市政府不该将种族隔离带来的经济效益分赠给黑人。

分析:分不清主语宾语似乎是166-169页译者的顽疾。

P172:after finally accepting the fact that it was too complicated and too late in the evening to get King out on a property bond,

误:但那天晚上,阿伯纳斯不得不接受这样一个事实,这件事太复杂,而且,也来不及当晚就拿出足够的保释金。

正:但是最终他不得不接受事实:这件事太复杂,轻易解决不了,而且当天已经太晚,就算缴纳保释金也不能放人了。

分析:没有搞清楚too late in the evening修饰什么

P172:Leaving, he passed carloads of Dexter members and MIA supporters who were converging on the jail.

误:他离开时,经过关满德克斯特会员和抵制运动支持者的监牢

正:走出监狱之后他看到一车一车的德克斯特会众与蒙改联支持者已经围堵了监狱大门。

分析:误译搞错了 converging on the jail的意思。Converge为汇聚之意。

P172:He held himself in check even when he began to realize that now it was the jailer, not he, who was frightened--a large crowd of Negroes had practically surrounded the building.

误:当一大群黑人几乎包围监狱时,他控制住了自己,因为他意识到,这时候感到害怕的不再是他而是狱卒。

正:即便当他意识到看守比他更害怕的时候——因为四面八方赶来的黑人已经包围了监狱——他也依旧没有流露出多少情绪。

分析:误译搞错了逻辑关系。

P172:It was some time later, at that night's mass meeting, before Abernathy caught up with the switches and reversals that rendered his cash unnecessary.

误:后来,到晚上的群众集会时,阿伯纳斯才知道这次事件的变化和逆转,于是退还了已经不再需要的担保现金

正:当天再晚些时候,阿博纳西在一场弥撒大会上得知了事态的逆转。他辛苦筹集的现金这一回可是用不着了。

分析:原文没有提到退还现金的做法。

P173:The phone rang again. "Listen, nigger,' said the caller, "we'vee taken all we want from you. Before next week you'll be sorry you ever came to Montgomery.' King hung up on the angry voice.

误:金怒吼着挂断了电话。

正:对面怒火满腔的声音还没有住口,金就把电话挂上了。

分析:误译不理解Hang up on的用法。

P173:Some of the Negro callers were just curious about his arrest, while others wanted to complain about the car pool. He never knew what to expect.

误:……他对打来的电话从来没有指望过什么。

正:……他从来都猜不到下一个电话的内容会是什么。

P173:The sensations of the incoming images pressed in upon him--the hatred of the whites, the burdened, offended rectitude of the middle-class Negroes, the raw courage or neediness of the plain folk.

误:电话传递过来的画面变成种种压力集中在他身上——对白人的仇恨,过重的负担,得罪了正直的中产阶级黑人,有勇无谋或穷困潦倒的普通百姓。

正:每一通电话都伴随着一幅意象,每一幅意象都在向他步步紧逼——白人的仇恨与憎恶,中产阶级黑人在重压之下的耿介态度,以及普通百姓的淳朴勇气或者穷困潦倒。

分析:the hatred of the whites是白人的仇恨而不是仇恨白人。offended在原文做形容词修饰rectitude,至多只能翻译成“遭到得罪的正直”

P175:For reasons of tactical consistency, they resolved to tell both the city fathers and their own followers that the boycott would continue as a separate matter.

误:为了保证战术的一致性,他们决定通知城市里所有的牧师和他们的教友,抵制运动和发起诉讼各自独立运作。

正:为了保证战术步伐一致,他们决定通知蒙哥马利的白人当权者以及他们自己的追随者,抵制运动将会独立于联邦诉讼继续进行。

分析:这应该是误译第二次搞错city father的用法。

P176:"We are checking on that now,' said a miserable Abernathy, who had wanted to have the answer before telling King.

误:“我们正在核实。”阿博纳西痛苦地回答道,他本来想在金开口之前就能得到答案的。

正:“我们正在核实。”阿博纳西痛苦地回答道,他本来想在告诉金之间就得到答案的。

P177:Bombers were loose,

误:扔炸弹的人是无组织的

正:扔炸弹的行凶者尚未归案

P179:She was deeply moved to hear that King, with all his strength, needed her.

误:金尽力让妻子知道自己有多么需要她,柯瑞塔被深深地打动了。

正:尽管他并不缺乏力量,但是依然需要她的扶持。这番话深深地打动了柯瑞塔。

P179:February dawned cold and dangerous.

误:2月寒冷的黎明危机四伏

正:二月份不仅天气寒冷,而且危机四伏。

分析:dawn在此做动词,取降临、到来之意

P179:Jeanatta Reese, who worked as a maid for one of the mayor's relatives, broke down under the pressure as visitors of both races trampled a path to her door, urging her to stick to the contrary assurances she had given them.

误:吉纳塔.里斯在市长的一个亲戚家当女佣,此前,两个种族主义者径直找上门来,强迫她做出并遵守违心承诺,在这样的压力下,她崩溃了。

正:这位女性名叫吉纳塔.里斯(Jeanatta Reese),原本在市长亲戚家帮佣。此前黑白双方的访客都踏破了她家的门槛,强迫她做出了许多相互矛盾的承诺。如此巨大的压力致使她陷入了崩溃。

P180:Three days later, white students rioted at the University of Alabama against the court-ordered admission of the first Negro student in the school's history.

误:三天后,白人学生在亚拉巴马大学发动暴乱,在学校执行法令的命令,允许历史上的第一名黑人学生入学。

正:三天后白人学生在阿拉巴马大学发动了暴乱,因为法院下令大学接纳建校以来的第一名黑人学生奥瑟琳.露西(Autherine Lucy)入学。

分析:误译完全不通。

通宝推:mezhan,
全看分页树展 · 主题 跟帖


有趣有益,互惠互利;开阔视野,博采众长。
虚拟的网络,真实的人。天南地北客,相逢皆朋友

Copyright © cchere 西西河